I should advise Litos' readers that I have been a few months away from these pages due to the two major lawsuits which were launched against me, one by the World Association of Peanut Producers, and another one, by the Airline Association. Those of you who have read my previous articles will know what motivated these lawsuits. The fact that my comments were nothing but the truth, and the whole truth, did not stop the legal departments of these organisations to go after me for what they called libel and distorting reality.
That part of distorting reality was the one I liked the most, because it is true that when I fly today, I feel far away from reality, in some sort of limbo, which my mind tries to deny. It must be a defence of the mind in order not to go mad.
Speaking of this, my lawyer, who is Galician and somewhat connected to the granite industry, suggested that my defence should be claiming insanity, and he proved this to the judge by presenting documentation and affidavits that demonstrated without any question that I worked as a export manager for the granite and stone industry for many years. This was enough for the judge to set me free.
Seeing that I got out of these lawsuits so easily, I decided that I could go against any other industry, and I realised that I have spent many of the nights in my life in hotels. No less than 3 ful1 years of my life have been spent in hotels. A certain number of additional nights I have not been able to remember where I spent them, but that is another story.
Having been in so many hotels allows you to really notice the major conceptual differences that each country or region has about the hotel business. Those of you who have been to the United States and Canada know that all their hotels are very much alike. Price basically relates to size, the more you pay, the bigger your room, the bed and the TV will be, and of course the hotel itself. You will be able to see all the major new movies, but the porno movies will be lousy or there won't be any. And let us not forget, the air conditioning would have been working for at least three days before you arrive to the room, temperature will be -2º even though it is the middle of winter in Minneapolis.
In America, there wil1 no mini-bar in your room, apparently because American customers seem to believe that all the little bottles are souvenirs and are thus for free, and tend to take them .all, and as you are not required to check-out because they already have your credit card imprint, they become hard to collect. Instead, for your convenience, there will refreshments and ice machines 2 or 3 kilometres from your room.
A typical problem is when you consider that as there is not a soul visible in the long and deserted corridor, at 11 o'clock at night, it i5 not a problem to run in your underwear to the ice machine. As soon as you do it, 14 doors open simultaneously, usually by giggling teenager girls. As a word of advise, avoid doing this, because you could get arrested for indecent exposure.
In Europe, there is practically always a mini-bar, with all the basic alcoho1ic beverages, gin, rum, whiskey, brandy, beer etc. in miniature of course, at prices only slightly higher than a litter of the same at the supermarket.
On the other hand, the air conditioner will not be on, and if you are in Germany, at midnight you will discover that behind the curtains, the windows are open, even though there is 40 cm. of snow outside. You usually discover this because your feet become frozen as you never really managed to cover them with that loose feather blanket (edredon) that they are so fond of.
One of the things that really make me mad, is the major differences between the star ratings in the hotels, especially between Spain and Portugal on one side and France and England on the other. The European Union should develop a single standard for this, because 3 stars hotels in Spain and Portugal are sometimes beautiful and comfortable hotels, with excellent restaurants and services. However, some 3 star hotels in Paris or London are places that should have been condemned due to their age, or being a health risk long time ago. Trouble is that the price will be similar to a 4 stars hotel in Tokyo.
On one occasion, in London, in one of these places, after checking in with the Pakistan; receptionist, the Bangla Desh bell boy looked at my key number, my suitcase, and smiled. We went up in the elevator and he was always smiling. We got to the door of my. Room, he opened it, and then he said: "Now, big decision, you or suitcase". He was right, only one of us could go into the room, where the bed hardly had any space to the walls. It was not so bad to sleep with the suitcase besides me on the bed, but please consider that it was 89 sterling pounds a night hotel!
At least in England they have a sense of humour about it, but in France …! Suppose I do not have to talk too much about France. All who have been there know very well that the rooms will be small and expensive.
To me one the biggest outrages are those mini-hotels that are on the highways or in the outskirts of French cities. They are very modern and functional. Expensive as if you were in the Ritz, they give you a cubicle that looks like a jail cell, with a minuscule bathroom that has been moulded in plastic as a sing1e unit. In the last one I was, it took like 20 minutes of careful contemplation, to figure out why there was a shower cubicle but without shower or any water devise. There was only a little hook. When I decided to wash my hands in the lavatory, I noticed that the faucet was shaped like a showerhead. A litt1e investigation allow me to discover that it was installed with hose that you removed and extended like 3 meters to the hook in the shower. I cannot imagine the brainstorming that was necessary to invent this, and the amount of savings that it must have represented.
But in any case, I do not want to give the impression that my employers only sent me to cheap hotels. There is the situation of the Asian and Middle East hotels, which represent a completely different concept, but I will talk about those in my next article.
If I survive the lawsuit of the World Hotels Organisation, that is.
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